I want to start by saying the gaps. I want to start by saying the rhythm. I want to start by saying the gaps in rhythm.

I want to start by saying or do I mean space. I want to start by saying the gaps, the rhythm, and space.

I want to start by saying how much space is necessary, how much space is necessary to feel, how much feeling is necessary.

I want to start by saying trauma. I want to start by saying family. I want to start by saying family trauma.

I want to start by saying how to build. I want to start by saying how to hold back. I want to start by saying how to reveal. I want to start by saying how the trauma builds, and reveals.

I want to start by saying Jewish assimilation and white flight. I want to start by saying white walls. I want to start by asking whose white walls.

I want to start with the rhythm, the rhythm of the text, the text of the rhythm, how it builds, how it builds through the gaps, everything held back. I want to start by saying breath, holding breath, holding back. I want to start by saying trauma.

I want to start by saying how the form holds the trauma. I want to start by saying how the form holds you in the trauma. I want to start by saying how the form holds. I want to start by saying how the form holds back.

I want to start by saying escape, is there, is there escape. I want to start by saying yes. I want to start by saying no. I want to start by saying we are all attempting, we are attempting to escape. I want to start by saying writing. I want to start by saying this is how. I want to start by saying is this how we escape. I want to start by saying and yet.

I want to start by screaming escape language. I want to start by saying the language of escape. I want to start by saying what about it. I want to start by saying what about everything left out. I want to start by saying we are waiting, we are waiting inside the gaps, we are stuck, we are open, we are breathing, we are breathing into the gaps, we are holding, we are holding our breath.

I want to start by saying when I couldn’t stop reading I still stopped. I want to start by saying you will too. I want to start by saying Joe Brainard wrote a book called I Remember, and now when I remember that book I will remember this one. I want to start by saying this one held my attention the whole way. I want to start by saying you already know I couldn’t stop.

I want to start by saying desire. I want to start by saying trans. I want to start by saying gender. I want to start by saying self-actualization. I want to start by saying how do you get rid of the trauma if that’s all you have, or not all you have but all they recognize, or not all they recognize but all they enact. I want to start by saying family. I want to start by saying how do you get out of enact.

I want to start by saying tar pit. I want to start by saying family. I want to start by saying upward mobility through a tar pit, who gets stuck. I want to start by saying white supremacy, who wins and who loses, who loses their lives. I want to start by saying the tar pit is not a metaphor. I want to start by saying family is a tar pit, get out.

I want to start by saying there’s so much here to recognize, so much to hold, so much to feel, so much to grasp, so much to fear, so much to remember. I want to start by saying remember fear. I want to start by saying I remember.

I want to start by saying a sentence. I want to start by saying a sentence never ends. I want to start by saying a sentence never ends until it stops.

I want to start by saying every sentence in this book starts with I want to start by saying, except a few that start with I want to start by asking, and one that starts with I want to start by screaming, if I counted right.